Some early history
So, we met when we were both a bit older. I hadn't quite reached my 30s (but was within spitting distance), and he was approaching his 40s. We'd both had serious relationships, but nothing had stuck. He'd gone through some crazy medical nightmares, that had left him medicated all the time, but way better off than anyone had thought when they were in the midst of it. All before I met him.
We met at work. Hit it off with similar senses of humor. Hung out. Found out we had a similar perspective on life. Wanted to see more of the world, didn't want to live where we were forever. Open to seeing where things took us.
We moved in together pretty quickly. Got married after just a year of knowing each other. Things were good. Medication made him tired, but functional.
Then we moved 2000+ miles away. Things were good in the beginning. But his new job had him surrounded by people 15+ years his junior. After some medical issues, he was switched to new, better meds. He wasn't as lethargic. He was able to drink a bit more, and stay up later. And surrounded by people who were much younger, many in relationships that weren't ones I'd want (rumors of affairs and more than wandering eyes).
Dick had always relished the attention of others. He grew up as the lone boy with 3 sisters. He didn't do well academically (not gifted at testing and a late diagnosis of mild dyslexia), but flourished when working on things related to physics and aerodynamics. I often thought of him as his family's golden child. He was born in an era where females (mothers, sisters) still did everything for the boys, and lavished them with attention. And he soaked that up, intentionally or not.
I think his expectation of attention and regular pseudo-praise is a lot of the driving force behind the issues. In contrast, I grew up as a pretty independent kid. I had one younger sister, and was often the oldest kid wherever we went (happenstance with all the friends of my parents). I didn't often find others that I wanted to hang out with, and I was mostly ok with that — or became ok with it as I grew older.
Dick, on the other hand, seems to need, or at least want, constant reassurance and expects a level of affection that I had trouble expressing. Though, I think early on, I didn't have the same hesitation. That hesitation didn't crop up on its own. That hesitation was a product of his behavior. And his lying.