The intervening years
There were good times. We traveled. We have the same political, and mostly the same religious views. We have overlapping senses of humor. Not a lot in the way of movies, though. Marvel was an overlap — so that was a good 10-year run — despite the fact that he talks through most movies, so watching movies with him is often painful for me.
After some travel, we decided to have a kid. The kid is definitely something we are still happy about.
But during this time, resentment grew. He didn't do the finances or the grocery shopping or the cooking or much of the cleaning. He can't seem to tell clean from dirty when he does empty the dishwasher, and even after years of living somewhere, has no clue where many things get put away (so that we don't have to send out a search party when we want to use it again). He loses and misplaces things. He often breaks things (he's got a 50-50 record on cell phones — broken vs. just replaced due to age). He takes things that aren't his and then can't find them or damages them. We have 2 sets of most things because if I don't have “mine” then the one we have will have something happen to it. It's a constant battle that he finds annoying (that I need my own of many things), and I find infuriating (that I need my own just to make sure I can find it or have it working).
Essentially, just like any married couple, there are annoyances. But you get pissed, you argue or you internalize, and you accept and move on, or you say you've had enough.
My issue was always the lying. How can you want to be in a marriage where one person has so little respect that they continue to lie? I mean cheating is just one type of lying. But there are other lies. Not the “hey, you look good in that shirt” kind of lie. I mean the in your face lie about something that is obviously important to the other. One meant to deceive the other. To get away with something.
And there were more of those over the years. Each one had me questioning why the hell I stayed. Was it worth it to end it. And then there were the assumed lies, but ones I just didn't have the energy to verify. Each time the doubt growing and chipping away at the few remaining feelings I had for him. I went from arguing to just keeping silent and adding each to my mental checklist.