Years of reprogramming ahead of me
Ever wonder how men become helpless? I'm obviously part of that problem of enabling behavior that leads to neanderthal-like expectations. I need to be self-aware and start deprogramming my son.
So, I just got asked by my 11-year old if we had a specific thing in our pantry. I said I don't know. I'm in the bedroom. He came in from the kitchen to ask. I asked if he'd looked for himself. I was told — “dad told me to ask you.” Dad is also in the kitchen. So glad this is his last day in this house.
The item in question: I'd given a sealed box of it to his dad for the his apartment (it's canned meat that I will be thankful to never buy again, and was happy to be rid of), but didn't know if there might be a couple loose ones remaining on the shelves. So, this comes up and I had to lead my kid to the kitchen, then to the pantry, turn on the light and say “look for yourself — you're going to learn how to use yours eyes and hands.” He takes a 2-second look, moves a can and says no, none there. I can clearly see that there's a can that looks like what he wants (it's much smaller — so the fact that there's a big empty spot that isn't really empty makes it a bit obvious to me) behind 2 other cans. I make him keep looking. And then... MAGIC! It's discovered. And I reiterate that as an 11-year old, he shouldn't need me in this situation. And he repeats to me “dad told me to ask you.”
Yep. For all the doubts that come with ending a marriage, this sort of shit just reaffirmed my decisions. It's petty as hell. But it's telling and emblematic of the whole relationship. And there are countless examples of his fake helplessness. I've effectively been the man's mother for the past 18 years. This wasn't a partnership. If I had chosen to continue to put up with lying, I certainly wasn't benefiting in any other way than financially. It was never a worthwhile trade-off. I almost glad he kept lying and made it so easy to confirm. It gave me the push I needed to call it.