Separation in the time of coronavirus

How has he, at almost 55 years of age, managed to get through life? I know I've sheltered him for the past 18 years (we met in 2002 and I've taken care of almost all logistics/details of our life since then), but really? How can he not know some fundamentals of his own life? Or know how to figure it out???

Tonight, I'm reading to the kid (Spy School series — we're both enjoying it) and I hear my phone buzzing. I don't answer — I'm reading to my kid. We finish, and I'm trying to get the kid out to brush his teeth and get to bed. It's late.

I open the door, and the soon-to-be ex is hovering. I'm still cajoling the kid (he hates going to bed and is always asking for one more thing — so he doesn't have to leave my room and go to bed), and he continues to hover.

I finally light a fire under the kid and get a breather, and I get hit with “when did we move into X townhouse?” I get not everyone's memory is great. But this was right after we moved to this state. You'd think he'd have a clue roughly when we moved 2300+ miles and roughly when we moved into a place. Or maybe, he'd look at the shared Google calendar (that I've been using for over a decade so we can keep all of our stuff straight) and do a quick look. Yep, I just utilized that nifty search feature that GOOGLE calendar has. I don't see our move-in date. But after a 2-second search, I do see the final apartment walkthrough on there — for when we moved out. Subtract 12 months, and voila you've got the move-in date. Why the hell does he need to send me 2 texts and then hover outside my door? Literally, 2 seconds in our shared calendar and I found the answer. He has the same ability to do that same search.

I just suggested he rent a place that has all the utilities included — in part because I fear he'd have the electric turned off on him for forgetting to pay the bill. Seriously. He almost got scammed when looking at a place 2 days ago. I'm doing internet research for his rentals. I sent him 5 rental listings recently. He went to see 2 and wondered how I knew about them. I had to remind him that I was the one who sent him the listings. And why do I do this? Well, he's busy lying to me about where he's going (in a pandemic), and he's lying about other stuff. Oh, yeah, and he hasn't been bringing much to the table, other than frustrations and financial resources. And the main reason I'm helping him find a place? I don't trust that he'll not do something stupid — and we'll all be paying for some mistake/bad choice (like getting scammed or committing to a more expensive place or whatever). The frustrating thing? He's not an idiot. But he plays one in this house. I just want him OUT. Without causing us to file for bankruptcy.

And again, I ask myself, what did he bring to this marriage? You've read about women shouldering the mental load in heterosexual marriages? Yep. That's been my last 18 years. Well, with the exception of a few things in the past few years where I just don't do some things anymore. I wait until he's so disgusted, he finally does something about it. I consider it partial compensation for the initial 15 years. Of course, I pay for it by having to play “Where's Waldo?” while cooking, just to find something he's put away in a new place, or pulling dirty bowls and utensils out of the cabinets because he does a half-assed job at whatever I've refused to do.

Ok, now it's time to sleep — because guess who's grocery shopping for everyone at 7 am?