Separation in the time of coronavirus

And here's the existing list. Yes — many are petty. But they were things I accepted, even if they drove me mad. Until the latest lie. But this is a tool for me to vent. And I'm going to use it.

So... this will be petty. But I'm short on sleep and having a hard time focusing. And a good chunk of the reason is due to the soon-to-be ex's behavior last night.

Turns out late night watching of Contagion by your 11-year old right before bed, in the middle of a similar (though, thankfully, less deadly — I think) pandemic, isn't conducive to him easily falling asleep. I'm sure many who've raised a kid wouldn't be too shocked by this.

So, I guess I'm not surprised. There's been almost a 180-degree reversal as Dick has figured out that there's a pandemic raging across the globe, and specifically in this country. Or... more like one or two of his sisters reminded him of how devastating this disease can be.

I'm sending him links to apartment rentals.

I wonder if he thought he was backing me into a corner and forcing me to accept his “choice.”

Nope. That was the point of telling him it was over — to not be forced to just accept whatever he says and does, or lies about.

He's welcome to do it. Somewhere else.

So, in addition to all our other issues we need to sort out to work toward a divorce... Dick has mentioned a couple times that he's planning to go visit his sister(s) out of state. In the middle of a pandemic. It's about a 10 hour drive and crossing 6+ state lines (depending on the route) to get to the closest one. Through major metro areas in the NE. Our state has a clear “Stay at Home” order — that prohibits anything beyond essential travel. It states that when you return (or travel) to the state you must self-quarantine for 14 days. There's a minor fine (up to $1000) and jail time (up to 6 months) tied to this — so it's a little bit more than a “request” by the state.

I'm trying to look at my choices and behaviors over the years. Choices I've made. How I spend my time. How many things were somehow tied to all this? Sure, we're all a culmination of nature and nurture. And who we are is tied into things we've been through, relationships we've had. But how much of me today is a result of how much I've ceded to keep this relationship afloat?

So, it's always fun when things end. (Do I really need to type /s to indicate obvious sarcasm?) And, again, in the grand scheme of things, this breakup is boring and simple. No crazy “caught him in our bed with another woman” drama. No physical abuse. It's very civilized. I'm not a fan of Gwyneth Paltrow by any stretch — but I now get what she meant when she used “conscious uncoupling” to describe the end of her marriage. Though I snickered like many at the time. It is a simple phrase that is such an accurate description.

So, I'm 16 years into this relationship. And what finally made me say to hell with the financial repercussions? Lying about where he was going and who he was meeting. It's so textbook and cliche. Do I know if he was actually cheating? Nope. I expect I'll never truly know. That would depend a bit on trusting anything he says. He could lie to hurt or in an attempt to still look innocent.

So, we bought another house. Can I say the lying I abhorred and told myself I wouldn't tolerate anymore ended? Nope. I won't lie. There were more lies. And the usual deflect and minimize response. There were suspected lies I didn't even address.

Nothing about moving changed my mind about the state of my marriage. Trying to figure out where to live was mostly left to me — finding info (cost of living, jobs, traffic, schooling, etc.) and then asking for input from him. Once we'd narrowed it down, researching schools was left mostly to me. Setting up a scouting trip, left mostly to me.